King&Kleptomania
                                                                                Veerawamy Krishnaraj



There was once a king by name Sorakan (சோரகன்) the ruler of the kingdom of Pakkam (பாக்கம்). He was a kind-hearted person, married with no children. He was educated in the tradition of royal household in sixty-four arts. He was proficient in Acting, Body and face painting, Carpentry, Composition in many languages, Dancing, Engineering, Juggling, metallurgy, Mixing colors, Mixing drinks, Musical instruments, painting, poetry, Science of warfare, Sign language, Singing... He was the cynosure in a gathering not only because he was the king but also because he was so very talented among all the people gathered on the dais or in a particular field.
He had just laws written in his books: constitutional and religious laws. Besides, he also ruled by decree under certain circumstances. 
Since he was the king, he was involved in all aspects of life in his Kingdom. He was consulted on constructing temples, buildings, royal parks... He would participate in song and dance usually of devout nature during celebratory occasions. He played the role of Krishna, Siva, Parvati... He used to hold debates in his court on religion and philosophy. He invited scholars and poets to lecture, recitation and debate. 

Though he was fabulously rich, lived luxuriously and can afford anything, he had a weakness to steal petty things. People did not know what to make. Sometimes people noticed, sometimes they did not, sometimes children caught him swiping their toys. The adults always ignored his petty thefts. Children would not let it go, if he took their toys and pocketed them surreptitiously. He saw an item; suddenly, he developed a liking for it; his urge to steal overwhelmed him, and he obtained a release from pressure once he took the item and pocketed it. The adults let it pass. The children would not let go, complain to adults and make a rambunctious scene, which was embarrassing to the king. For a two-year-old, it did not matter whether the thief was his brother or the king himself. He or she did not know that he was really a king. If they knew, they did not understand the act of theft coming from such imperiously dressed individual everybody addressed as king. 

This petty theft was well known to diplomats visiting from other countries. Inside or outside the court, they made it a point to give him or leave big and small gifts unattended to take the edge off his tendency. Many succeeded to thwart his theft by giving small gifts to the king. The king had learned of his problem, that was an embarrassment. Intrusive thought, compulsive urge to steal, and deflation of pressure after theft accompanied him wherever he went. He decided he would find a cure for his condition. What is the cure? Who will cure him? Does he have to take any medication? 

Initially, the palace staff placed small items wherever he visited. Stealing them became less embarrassing. People and children found no missing things they owned. This went on for some years. 

The king appointed a court with a judge to adjudicate upon cases. Only very serious crimes like sedition, murder, rape...came to his attention. The cases were tried by the court first and then they were presented to him by the litigants and the judge. Minor offenses like petty thefts, shoplifting... were punished by payment of fines and the cost of the merchandise. 

The monetary value and the material need for the object by the king were not there. All documented minor theft objects of the king were returned to the owners with a small remuneration. The palace staff, royal lawyers, the elders and the king came to an understanding. The king would admit having stolen an object after the function or the ceremony was over; the object would be returned to the owner with a recompense. This served as the basis of covert sensitization by blame and shame. Sometimes, the king himself returned the stolen objects, especially when the victim was a child and the pressure on the king dissipated upon stealth. Once the urge to steal and the pressure dissipated, the king had no desire for the object. Everybody realized that the king, a good man in all other respects, had some kind of compulsive mental predisposition. The Royal Physicians were hard put to diagnose this royal problem. They knew he had an obsession with the object, an urge to steal, and compulsion to take it. Because of the publicity of his condition, he was a little depressed.  (I am thinking of many of us unconsciously pocketing the ballpoint borrowed by us. Some of us always had a bunch of swiped pens.)
During his birthday celebration, extravagant fireworks as ordered by the king were held and very much enjoyed by him. Thankfully, he stole no firecrackers. 
The royal physicians advised him to imagine an unpleasant situation like injury, nausea, vomiting, or impose on himself actual breath holding (aversion therapy) ..., when he developed the urge to steal. That modality helped him to a certain extent. Blame and shame worked for the king better than any other modality. There were no medications given to the king.
The palace workers opened the king's private room and found toys and small items stolen and stashed without apprehension. All the items were removed and put on display for people to purchase them in boxes with the royal insignia. The sale was brisk and over in a few days. The funds from the sale went to the Children's Aid Society. 
King's kleptomania did not encourage theft among people, the records of which year after year showed no bump in numbers. 
King's kleptomania dwindled and disappeared as times passed by. It was replaced by acquiring more territory and expanding his kingdom into neighboring states. The neighbors were petty chiefs with no royal blood. They were told that they could remain the petty chiefs and part of the larger kingdom and pay a certain percentage of their collections as tax to the royal treasury. The king offered military protection. 

As he began acquisition of more territory, the royal malady of small thefts simply disappeared. Big thefts are the new game for the king. There were legitimacy, honor, bravery, valor and prestige in stealing big things and killing enemy soldiers in the battlefield. The king invaded far-off kingdoms and looted their treasury and brought back treasure chests from the conquered kingdoms. He appointed Governors and let the defeated kings and chiefs rule their kingdoms under the aegis of his governors. The vanquished kingdoms could have paramilitary forces with basic weapons for maintaining domestic peace. They could not maintain a military. King Sorakan recruited soldiers from the vanquished military, who pledged loyalty to him and not to the conquered chief or king. 
The generals to the outlying areas were deputized from the king's loyal corps of generals. The kingdom of Pakkam expanded; the people were happy and became prosperous. King Sorakan built many schools and institutions of higher learning teaching all sixty-four arts. Students from outlying states came to Mullaipuram (முல்லைபுரம்) the capital of the expanded kingdom for their higher studies. He opened many schools in the outlying areas, improved agricultural methods, dug canals, and harvested rain in lakes and ponds. He introduced plants and trees of commercial value such as mango, cashew nut, teak (Tectona grandis) ... The expanded kingdom became prosperous, inclusive of the chiefs and the defeated kings, who were happy with The King. 
  
The chiefs and the petty kings assembled in the capital once in six months and discussed their perks and pet peeves. The King accommodated to their needs and always treated them as his equals. The defeated ones prospered under king Sorakan than on their own. The governors met the king two months before the local rulers to appraise the king of the state of affairs in the outlying areas of the kingdom. 


King Sorakan and the queen had no children. Adoption was the only solution he could think of. He organized a selection board for adopting a child below 15 years of age from among the citizens of the expanded kingdom. The boys were tested for proficiency in the sixty-four arts, which are mandatory for a king. Eligible boys came from all castes from every corner of the kingdom. There were experts in each field of endeavor. Earlier, Acting, Body and face painting, Carpentry, Composition in many languages, Dancing, Engineering, Juggling, metallurgy, Mixing colors, Mixing drinks, Musical instruments, painting, poetry, Science of warfare, Sign language, Singing...were among the sixty-four arts. 
The competition and selection went for a few months. They were not expecting the winner would be an expert in all sixty-four arts. Anyone nearing the ideal would be declared the winner. The royal teachers would improve whatever the winner knew. Whatever he did not know, he would be taught anew. 

A boy meeting with these criteria was selected. The boy was the son of a chieftain in the outlying area of the kingdom. His name was Paraman. He moved to the capital city and started his studies in the sixty-four arts. He was declared the Boy who would be King.

There ends the happy story of Kleptomaniac king becoming a an emperor, with the sagacity to choose a king from among his subjects.
The boy who would be king came not from royal lineage but from a family of commoners. There lies the paradox. He stole toys from commoner children (because of his kleptomania) and a commoner child stole the kingdom from the king. 
 
VATSAYAYANA'S KAMA SUTRA. TRANSLATION BY UPADHYAYA
The Sixty-four Arts which are auxiliary to the Kama Sutra are enumerated below:
1. Vocal music.       3. Dancing.
2. Instrumental music.       4. Painting.
5. Cutting of different designs on the Bhurja leaf for adorning the forehead.
6. Making various designs with rice-grains and flowers (in temples of Sarasvati, Kamadeva, etc., or on floors set with jewels).
7. Arrangements of flowers (in temples and homes).
8. Colouring teeth, garments, hair, nails, body and other toiletries.
9. Fixing coloured tiles on the floor.
10. Arrangement of the bed, the settee, the divan (according to bedtime mood and food partaken).
11. Creating musical sounds with water. Jalataranga.
12. Splashing and squirting with water.  Jalakrida.
13. The secret formulas and mantras and their application (other than those mentioned by Kuchumara).
14. Making various garlands (for worshipping deities and adorning one's self with).
15. Making head-decorations known as Shekharaka and Apida (the Shekharaka garland hangs down from the top of the head. The Apida is worn round the head and supported by a wooden frame).
16. Dressing and decorating the body (according to time and place).
17. Making designs called Karnapatra (with ivory and conch materials for additional decoration to costumes).
18. The preparation and proper use of perfumes.
19. Making ornaments (joined or stringed ones such as necklaces with jewels and pearls; whole ones such as bracelets, round earrings, etc.).
20. Magic and creating illusions.
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21. Preparation of ointments (for additional physical charm and virility. These recipes are expounded by Kuchumara).
22. Deftness in manual work (for instance, in games where throwing and snatching money and other things are included).
23. Cooking and similar culinary arts. [It is interesting to note that food and drink were divided into four sections, viz., Bhakshya (eating), Bhojya (chewing), Lahya (licking) and Peya (drinking)].
24. Preparing sherbats and drinks.
25. Needlework (including making new garments and mending of old ones, darning, making mats, etc.).
26. Creating patterns from yarns or threads (such as the parrot motif, flower motif, tassels and so forth).
27. Playing on the Veena and the drum called Damaruka.
28. Composing and solving riddles and rhymes (for play and discussion).
29. A game in which one party recites a verse and the opposite party recites another which begins with the same letter as that on which the last verse ended.
30. Reciting verses difficult to repeat, tongue-twisters and so on.
31. Recitation from books (from the Epics).
32. Knowledge of dramas and stories.
33. Composing other lines when one is given (This takes the form of a game in which one person is given the last out of four lines and is challenged to compose the first three on the spot).
34. Caning of wood-frames of cots, chairs and so forth.
35. Making of mechanical aids (This refers particularly to those recommended for use during congress, and which are usually made of silver, gold, steel, bone, or ivory).
36. Carpentry (making wooden furniture for sitting, reclining and sleeping).
37. Knowledge of architecture and house-construction.
38. Knowledge of precious metals and precious stones (especially the ability to distinguish between genuine and fake gems).
39. Knowledge of metals (extracting, refining, alloying, etc.).
40. Knowledge of jewels, colours and mines (Crystals are coloured for sale, while knowledge of mines is important for income).
41. Horticulture and gardening (This includes sowing and growing plants in a nursery).
42. Art of cock fighting, ram fighting and quail fighting (This is one of the games of wagering where animate things are made use of).
78       KAMA SUTRA
43. Training parrots and mynas to speak and sing (If trained properly, these birds can memorise messages and carry them where their owner wishes).
44. Proficiency in pressing, shampooing and dressing hair.
45. The art of understanding writing in cipher, and the writing of words in a peculiar way.
46. Talking in a language with deliberate transposing of words or letters (This takes various forms: for instance, when the beginning and the end of words are interchanged, or when unnecessary letters are added between syllables of a word and so on).
47. Knowledge of languages of other provinces and of various dialects.
48. Art of making flower-carriages. Do/is, Palakhis, etc.
49. Art of addressing spells, charms, auspicious and bad omens, etc.
50. Constructing mechanical aids (such as those for riding, drawing water from well and for warfare, etc.).
51. Memory-training.
52. Recitation of verse (This game is played in company with others. While one recites from a book, another recites it alongside him purely by hearing).
53. Deciphering by code (when a message or verse is left incomplete but with designs of flowers, etc.).
54. Knowledge of etymology (of Sanskrit, Prakrit and Apabhramsha).
55. Knowledge of lexicography.
56. Prosody and Rhetoric.
57. Art of Impersonation (Deceiving others by impersonating and assumed personality: Shurpanakha and Bhima did this successfully).
58. Wearing garments artfully (to conceal torn or ill-fitting garments).
59. Various games to be played with the dice.
60. The game of dice called Akarsha (Nala and Yudhisthira, history tells us, lost in this game because they did not know the niceties and intricacies of the game. It is to be played on a board).
61. Making dolls and playthings for children.
62. Knowledge of proper behaviour (In other words, knowledge of etiquette in public and in private gatherings). In another sense, 'Vainayiki' also implies the training of elephants and other domestic animals).
63. Knowledge of the science of victory (Knowledge of 'Aparajita Vidya' is essential for divine purposes, while knowledge of the science of warfare is essential for this world).
64. Physical culture.